Christmas Gifts

It has been awhile since I was here but it is a busy time of year at work and I have been busy trying to get gifts done for all the ladies at work. I recently took a class in these beautiful crystal hearts and decided to give them for gifts. I also wanted to do them in everyone's favorite colors. If you click on the pictures you can see them up close. I had so much fun making them after I got the hang of it. I am planning on getting back to my BJP during the holidays. I am sure looking forward to the days off work. Two short weeks in a row is just heavenly.

I also wanted to wish my friends and fellow beaders the most happy of holidays. I have loved sharing this space and this project with you all.

Trilly

October Completed

Well I did something different this month. It is as sparse as last months is full. I did it in the course of a night. We had gone over to a friends new house to help them move some stuff around and hang pictures. Well as it doesn't take four to do that, I sat back and offered input while beading my leaf. I really did not intend to just outline the leaf, but as I sat there looking at the beautiful material and the pretty metallic beads I had, I just started. I finished the outline then added the veins and stopped there for the night. I fully intended to do more the next day, but when I looked at it the next night, I couldn't make myself attach another bead. It just spoke to me with its simplicity, its simple beauty and I decided to honor that. My life feels so cluttered with my job and everything else I do, I really love the simple nature of the single falling leaf. Autumn has always been one of my favorite seasons and the colors in October are so inspiring, it now just seems so fitting. Life is change, death and rebirth, again and again. Fall never feels sad to me, rather it feels like a clearing of space for something new to come, just around the corner.

September Completed

I finished September up finally last night. I found myself struggling to get this one completed. I had set the goal for myself of trying different colors and stitches and I found it slow going at times. Plus I started the piece with the multi-colored melted glass piece in the middle. That was created by taking a pile of glass seed beads and simply slumping them in the kiln. We were not sure what they would do, but my boyfriend was playing and when it came out, I really liked it. So I decided to use it as a focal piece for this page.

It was a little extra challenging as I usually have a plan in mind when I start and I had none, so I just followed Robin's advice and put on bead down after another. I reached a point about midway through when I had the lower left done and the bead blob in the middle and it was such a contract between the chaos of the melted beads and the nice lines of the bottom left corner that it started me thinking about making order out of chaos. Of course then it lead to me thinking about my life and job and that is pretty much what I do, I attempt to find some order in the chaos that surrounds me and make som sense of it. At work, I work with soils and the earth and I am always tring to take a natural, organic site and make it work for a building or structure....imposing a form of order on the ever changing ground.

So with those thoughts, I started working a structure around the center piece....no real thought in mind, just wanting some nice curved shapes. Just after I was at this point, I joined some fellow beaders for a bead night, hanging out together working on our own projects, enjoying the company and companionship. Well I was working on this piece and a friend of mine, and fellow BJP member, looked at my piece and said what an interesting heart in the middle of the piece. Now up to that time, I had not even decided what was up or down yet, and rotating it around, the heart jumped out at me. I just had to laugh a little at this time, cause as I have previously said, hearts are not my favorite shape, yet here was another, and this one coming from my subconscious. Well I looked at it and just loved it. Amazing how this project has opened my heart in so many ways and to have a heart be the center figure in a piece about order and chaos....the bridge between them I would say, just made me feel so good.

It took me a couple weeks to finish it from that point, but I finally did it last night. I am so very pleased with this piece and I just sat there grinning. I am now really looking forward to starting the next month tonite :)

Trilly

Rakkasah East

I just had the most fabulous weekend at the bellydance festival. I spent the better part of the last three days saturating myself in music and dance and it feels like my feet haven't quite hit the ground yet. I volunteered at the festival as well as sat in the audience and watched some of the most incredible performances and I can not stop grinning yet. It was so awesome meeting some of the dancers I had only seen before on dvd's or read about in magazines and listening to the live music that moved me so much I could not sit still. I also worked with some incredible people and had so much fun. I can't wait for next year now lol.

I managed to restrain myself from purchasing too much, but I couldn't leave without picking up a sword to start practicing. I have only been dancing for 3 years, but I love it. One of my instructors pulled me on-stage during one of the open dances and that was the first time I had danced in front of any audience. And even though we were on-stage with a half dozen others, I was terrified lol. I had no idea I would be that nervous, but I was. I did fine once I got started, but wow, I wanted to bolt. I have so much respect for everyone that gets on-stage and performs. I think one of my BJP months is going to center around the dancing....I can feel it coming :)

Trilly

August Completed

Whew, I think it is done, for now anyway. I keep looking at it and thinking I need to add more, yet I am going to stop now. This kind of sums up the incredible times at Burning Man for me this year. The theme was the Green Man and I couldn't do a BM piece without the Man. I also had to add some of the playa (dry lakebed) in as well, as we lived through dust storm after dust storm this year and it was so incredible. The rainbow came in one afternoon as we were in the middle of a horrible dust storm and the rains started. I was working with a bunch of people during the storm and the rain, and we all had to stop and take in the wonder of the rainbow, then the double rainbow that appeared during the break in the storm. It was a simple, beautiful moment shared and I will never forget it. Of course the other highlight of the event for me was working in the cafe during the full moon and someone lighting the man on fire early. I stood in the cafe with friends watching the full moon and then seeing the man start to burn. The feelings went from shock to amazement to a feeling of somehow this feels all right, after all this is Burning Man and things happen.

We also had the total lunar eclipse during that week, so the moon was such a part of the event this year, I had to include it. I realized as I worked on this piece that I had to have a palm tree as well, as our camp was the Blue Oasis and my 13 days on the playa were spent at a camp with some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. And it was one of those rare times in my life where I was simply me, with no masks, no worries of what anyone thought of me and felt such complete acceptance regardless. I treasure that feeling and call it back to me when I find myself not being completely authentic in the default world.

It was an awesome experience doing this piece weeks after I returned and reliving moment after moment as I put each bead on my needle. I also realized that this page is truly a journal page for me, as it may not look like much to anyone else, and it may be so simple that it looks unfinished, but it means everything to me. I am finally really taking that in right now and realizing there is no right or wrong or proper or improper way to do this project, except maybe to change something or doubt it b/c of anyone else's opinion. Again another lesson to take to my life :)

Trilly

New Earrings

I had so much fun yesterday at the metalwork class. I made a simple pair of earrings and really can't wait to try some other items. I can already tell I am going to need to get some more tools :) As much fun as working with the metal was, I so enjoyed spending the time with others and looking over all the beautiful beads in the shop. I have such a hard time restraining myself from buying more and more. LOL I bet many others can relate to that feeling. I now have to decide whether I want to make a pendant to go with the earrings today, or return to my BJP piece....decisions decisions.

Trilly

OMG it is October already

Where has the time been going? I am just about done with my August project, or I was until last night. I added what I thought would be the last bead and then came up with something else I want to add, but did not have the beads I wanted for it, so I now probably have one more night before I get it done. I have found materials for September and October, as well as a focal bead for each. YAY! me....I am really rocking now lol.
I got inspired for both last weekend. For the September piece, Mike had been playing with glass beads in the kiln while we were getting pendants made for Burning Man and took a small handful of size 11 glass seed beads, heaped them in a little pile and melted them....they made this strangely shaped, multicolored, shiny glass piece that I just loved. I knew I wanted to use it one month for this project, so last weekend we went shopping for a material to use. I found one, then found two more that just cried out for me to take them home....so I did :) Then I was ordering some beads with a friend the other night and I saw this beautiful glass leaf pendant that I just had to have and I am planning on using it for October on a beautiful purple material.
In my mind, now that I have directions or at least a beginning for both months and August almost complete, I am not as far behind lol....I just love how we can rationalize almost anything. I was just thinking how my progress with this project reflects my life. I do tend to get involved in many things, then move on leaving this and that undone until it nags at me enough to get back to work. I am trying to respond a bit differently with the BJP though. I am not thinking of it as work or anything I have to do. Rather it is something I want to do, something that serves me and is for me alone. And that is the crux of it...how I often let slide the things I want to do for the things I think I should do. This keeps me very conscious of being sure I come first in my life some of the time....finding that important balance between taking care of self and taking care of others.
The yin-yang of life. Balance, a perpetual motion in every facet of our life, is something that I lose conscious awareness of until I hit one extreme or another, often taking for granted those moments in my life where I have found balance because they are just so peacefully simple. Those moments are the ones I truly treasure, yet I embrace both extremes and am grateful to have the experiences, as I might never recognize the beauty of balance if I never had the challenge of everything spinning out of control. Ok, enough thoughts along these lines...one is connecting to another and faster than I can even type them.
And back on the physical plane, my hand is still troubling me and I go for more tests this week, but as long as I take frequent breaks and watch how I am holding my wrist, I can bead....whew. I am excited about this weekend too, as I am taking a class in metalwork from a fellow BJP member. I can't wait to play with a different medium and I love being in the company of fellow beaders, learning something new.
Love and Light,
Trilly

Ohno

Well all my plans to get caught up ended almost as quickly as they began. I am in a wrist and thumb brace for at least a week, possibly longer, as we try and figure out what is causing the nerve pain. It is most likely carpal tunnel, but having some strange symptoms too, so this is frustrating and painful. I had no idea how much pain it could be, and being a migraine sufferer, I have a high pain tolerance. I definitely have new respect for those with this condition, I truly had no idea.
I am hoping to find some way to continue working on my beading without stressing my hand. I guess one thing in my favor is it is my left hand and I am right handed. Maybe I could work on some sort of stand up frame, or something like that. I am creative and an engineer, I can make this work :)
Well that is the end of my whine for today, plus typing is tough with the brace lol.
Trilly

I just realized it has been well over a month since I wrote anything here. I had the most wonderful vacation ever. Burning Man was awesome. We had two burns, miserable weather conditions and the most fun imaginable. I met many new people this year and volunteered with some different groups, as well as having an incredible time with my campmates. We gave away many of the necklaces and pins we made and it was really great to get the feedback and compliments on our work. The pendants we made from old glass plates we found at a garage sale really looked great and made beautiful gifts. They also ended up being worth a lot more than we would have expected when we needed an obscure pipe fitting during the week and finally found one we could barter for, and our end of the barter ended up being a couple pendants.

Here are a few pictures from the event. The dust storms were pretty incredible at times, and were common the whole time we were there. The full moon was awesome, as well as the eclipse. One day we had a little rain on top of a dust storm and had an incredible double rainbow, as well as the single one shown in the picture. The last two pictures show the playa at the end of the event, practically empty and during the event, very full of people and camps.

So much happened there, both for me personally and at the event in general that I don't even have it all straight in my head 3 weeks later. I did a lot more on my own this year and really loved it. I set an intention to stay completely open to the experience, without any expectations, and it surpassed anything I could have even hoped for in terms of interaction with others and time alone with myself. It was also a wonderful time for Mike and I. We found a good balance between doing our own thing and making time to do something together every night. I found myself leaving Burning Man more in love with my partner and more at peace with myself than I could have ever dreamed.

Needless to say, the three weeks we were gone has me now a bit behind on my project. I finally got started on the August piece a week ago and hope to have it completed this week. I haven't found inspiration for September or October yet, but I have a feeling that will come as I complete August and move out of the Burning Man mode. I usually stress over missing a deadline, but I am staying calm through this and will get caught up over the next couple months as winter moves in and I have more indoor time. I will put a picture up in the next few days of the August progress.

Trilly

Our New Addition

Well, there is not much of anything to add to a beading update....ok to be honest, nothing at all. I have not even prepped the material lol. I have been working with my bf to get gifts ready for Burning Man. We have been making fused glass pendants with the BM symbol on them to give to camp mates and others we meet along the way. I have never worked with glass before and have been having fun. We did about half as pins and half as necklaces that I have been putting on braided hemp and cotton cords.

I have also been running around trying to decide what to take, wear, not wear, not take, ok maybe take, etc. for Burning Man. In the spirit of my beading this year, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and let a little bit of my inner self show in my clothes and outfits at BM this year. Basically leave my more conservative side behind and let the Leo in me out to play :) I am also planning on getting out of my camp a bit more and trying some events like morning meditation or yoga, taking a workshop on herbal healing, a class on couples massage, assuming I can talk my partner into this :), and one camp I am looking forward to visiting.....Gnome Camp. You adopt a garden gnome for the duration of the event, put them in your camp or take them around BM and take pictures on their disposable camera, which you then return at the end of the event. You have to make sure your gnome has a good time. This sounds like it could be a lot of fun.

Oh, yeah, I forgot, the title of this post.....our new addition. Well, to make a long story short, hopefully, our house came with a feral cat, unbeknownst to us. She (Zoe, who has since been caught and fixed) had kittens awhile ago and we found ourselves trying to tame and feed and care for four kittens. One of them is a true runt that Zoe abandoned for some reason at about 4 weeks. When we noticed, he was skin and bones. Of course we had to take him in and oh my, he (Pixel) has not grown much, but is filling out and driving poor Beanie (my cat) crazy. How something that weighs only ounces can make so much noise, I have no idea, but he is a wild man lol. And to top it off, he will only sleep if he is cuddled up against one of our chests, purring up a storm, cute as can be, but cause he is so small, we want to make sure he has enough room. Our queen size bed is not big enough for a cat, already demanding in her own right, two adult human slaves and now a pint size kitten.

Oh and his one last, very charming, trait...he has decided that feeding time is 5am, give or take ten minutes. Now this poses no problem for my fellow slave as he is a morning person, but it is pure torture for me. LMAO! now I know this may sound like I am whining, but I already love the little stinker....just had to complain a tiny bit. Oh and put a huge thanks in advance out there to my mom who is just insane enough to take my two cats while we are on vacation. They will have so much fun with her cat and new kitten LOL! She is going to be a crazy cat woman for a couple weeks and I can only hope she still is talking to me when we return from the desert LOL!

July is done.....finally

It has been ages since I have posted. I only finished my July piece on Sunday after having been unable to bead for over 2 weeks. Not only did I find my life in general had a lack of balance and lots of challenges, my physical body reflected it as well. I had vertigo as a result of a sinus infection and my life literally was spinning around me for a couple weeks. Ugh.....that has to be one of the most miserable things I have ever gone through. I couldn't bead, read, drive, barely work, and just felt awful. It did leave me with a lot of time to think and meditate though.

I feel that physical ailments can sometimes reflect our emotional and spiritual states, and this one sure did. I had turned my life upside down and most of my relationships and friendships all at the same time and then lived that out physically. I am finding my physical balance and the spinning I feel is much less while at the same time I am also finding balance within myself as I come to a place of peace about where my life is heading.

I ended up with my July piece being really simple and with little adornment. I let the colors and background stand on their own. I struggled with the idea of a heart because it is a symbol I rarely use cause it always felt so girly to me and I was never a girly girl, yet I look at it now and really like the shape and feel of it. I also am so loving the feeling of have completed another month.

I found fabric for August and am planning on starting it tonite. I know it will be a theme related to an event I am going to at the end of the month. This will be my second year at Burning Man and I can't wait. I feel like a child just before a birthday or holiday. If you have never heard of it, you can check it out here, http://www.burningman.com/. The theme this year is Green Man, and being environmentally conscious and being as green as possible. Guess what color my fabric is LOL!. I am probably one of the tamer participants but I do love being out of touch with everything for over a week, surrounded by art and music and finding myself helping and depending on people, often complete strangers, in such a difficult physical environment, yet one of the most rewarding spiritually.

Have a wonderful week.

Trilly

Finally Un-Stuck

This has truly been a case of art imitating life, or is it life imitating art. I was stuck for over a week on where to go from the flames. This so aptly paralleled my life that I finally just started laughing at the whole situation. And I always find that once I can laugh at life and myself, my heart eases and I can breath again, find my footing and start moving forward.

The flames in my life really hurt this week. One friendship has become immensely challenging and another took a strange detour and the pain and confusion of this was very tough to deal with. I sat stuck in it for days, and found at the same time I couldn't move forward on my July piece. I looked at them both, my life and my art, and had no idea where to go next. I decided to walk away from all the problems for a few days and just let everything ease up somewhat. I also decided to see if I could bring my project to my dreams and see where I might head with it next. Nothing came in the dreams but the next day I saw another picture in my mind and knew where I was going next.

I rarely if ever use hearts in anything I do, but I am putting a heart in the background of the flames and it just feels right. The flames are cleansing and healing the pain in my heart. They are change and growth and healing, buring away anger, self-doubt, judgement and all the other negative thoughts my ego keeps reliving. The flames clear a space for love, self-care, confidence, patience with myself and others and joy. My heart feels lighter and freer and I can again hear that soft voice that is my spirit, talking of love.

July Progress

I finally made some time to sit down and rough out the flames I talked about last post. They did not come out exactly as I had them pictured in my mind, but I can live with it :) I do not know where I am heading next, and actually can't wait to see where I end up going.

This has been an extremely challenging week for me and a rather tough weekend. A lot of changes have occurred in my life and my relationships in just the last 48 hours and I am still processing it yet it becomes clearer that flames are very appropriate for this time in my life. They are burning away parts that are no longer serving me. The analogy definitely applies here as the pain of the burn has quite taken my breath away lately, but I know this will clear a space for other relationships to enter my life and provide a great opportunity for new growth. I sit here taking a few deep, cleansing breaths and set the intention to surrender to this experience, allowing it to be a beautiful opportunity for growth along my spiritual path. So be it.

Random Thoughts

On my commute into work today I was thinking about my July page. I have picked out materials and colors yet did not work on it at all this weekend. I was playing with some bead stringing, using different materials I normally do not work with and it was a lot of fun. I actually made a couple necklaces for myself, which I rarely do.

LOL! ok back from that little digression....anyway, in the car, I was picturing the brilliant reds, oranges and yellows I had selected for July and I was thinking originally in terms of flowers, blooming etc. yet this morning, they had morphed into flames. I think this is because I have been surrounded by angry people lately, both at work and in my personal life. So I started wondering why I have been drawing this in, what am I to learn from observing others around me sit with unexpressed anger that comes out in little jibes or sullen silences. That lead to thoughts that we tend to be reflections of one another. So I went deep within myself to see where I might have some unexpressed anger, some resentment or something I have not forgiven myself or others for. This is never a very comfortable exploration, yet is always freeing when done with an open heart and lack of self-judgement.

What I realized is that I tend to over-give, to be the peace keeper, appeasing everyone for the illusion of peace, instead of speaking my truth, standing tall in my beliefs and trusting in myself. With that recognition, I see clearly how I end up resentful. Yet I am the only one doing this to myself. No one is holding a gun to my head saying to sacrifice myself for everyone else. I am choosing to do so. Doesn't it always come down to that? No one can make me do anything I don't choose to do, and it is now time to choose something different.

I choose to take care of myself first; to be true to who I am and what I believe, to allow those I love to have their feelings freely and not rush in to "fix" things that are not mine to fix, to realize that the only thing I have any control over is my reaction to situations and let the illusion of control fade away, to love myself unconditionally and allow that love to flow outwards to all I encounter. With that intention set, I am going to start my piece tonite with the flames I have envisioned and see where they take me. I am feeling them as burning away the illusions I have bought into and bringing forth a new understanding, a rebirth, not unlike the Pheonix.

Trilly

Whew......

I finished my piece last night. I have not made a final decision as to whether it will become a page in a book or a part of a wall hanging, so for now, it is stored lovingly in a beautiful box. I am very happy to be finished with this piece so I can begin the July project, which has been floating around in my mind for over a week already. I even saw part of it in a meditation last week and have been so excited to start, but holding myself to completing June first.

I am still struggling with wanting to fix the little imperfections I see, and rethink this bead or that bead, but am holding myself to letting it develop as it is. I keep reminding myself this is such a different project from anything else I have tried, and there is nothing it HAS to be, it just is.

The more I sat and looked at it last night, the more that sunk in. I started to see what this project meant for me, especially in the balance between light and dark that played out with the moon and the sun. Everything always comes down to finding a balance and that has been on my mind so much recently that it shouldn't surprise me to see it in the beads. Duality plays out in so many ways and yet we are always simply where we are. We have this moment and one choice after another. We can choose light or we can choose dark or anywhere in between, yet we are only at one place in between the poles every moment. I find that I bring drama and confusion into my life when I forget that simple idea and start to buy into the illusion that I am good or bad, that I am right or wrong, that something is beautiful or ugly.....forgetting that I just am. I am.

June Work in Progress

Well here is the work to date.... took me awhile to get the picture taken and now posted, but I did it :) Still a bit more to do, but working on it steadily. I have been struggling a bit with everything not being perfect, but am constantly reminding myself that this is my first attempt and doesn't have to be perfect lol.

I am quite nervous about posting a picture, but I look at this as part of the challenge and the journey.

Where has the time gone?

That was the question I asked myself this weekend. The month is almost over and I am about half way done with my first page. I am enjoying the time I have spent working on this so far, and wishing I had more time available to devote to it right now. I finally decided on a size, mainly because it is what the work I have done so far suggested, ending up with a 4 1/2 inch square. I have also been sticking with just seeing where the page leads me, instead of planning it out. I believe that has been the most challenging part of the project so far.

I started the project with a thought of what this journal page was going to be about and I am finding that although it has helped me to look at one particular issue in my life, it has grown to be so much more. I have found myself inspired to start writing again and have decided that I will be putting a poem or journal entry on the back of each page that is inspired by the completed piece. I am making myself wait until the piece is complete to write, but the words are already echoing in my head and heart and it feels so good to be creating in this way. It has also been freeing in terms of my self-confidence and love for myself. I found this really came out last week when the group I belly dance with had a hafla and I had the most fun I have ever had just improvising a dance and letting it flow from my heart with no worries about how I looked, or was the technique perfect, all the usual tapes running through my head. It was simply being in the moment, feeling the music and letting it out.....in exactly the same way the beads have been inspiring me to just let them be free without constraint or plan.

I also took some time out on Saturday and took a class from a fellow journal project member and I loved it. It was the first time I had taken a beading class and I really loved it. I made a pretty little necklace that I actually went home and finished over the weekend and am happily wearing today :) It was also so much fun to sit and work and talk with other bead enthusiasts and share ideas and thoughts and just be in a supportive, creative atmosphere.

Well back to work for now, counting the hours until I get home tonite and can play some more. The beads are calling :)

At the beginning....

I started my project two nights ago and am really enjoying myself so far. In the previous days I had had a number of ideas and thoughts and themes running through my head, but it wasn't until I sat down to begin that I truly knew what my inspiration would be. That hit me as I found a pendant I had been holding onto for awhile and realized it was very symbolic of the challenges of the last few weeks. I struggled a bit in actually deciding to use it for the project, but once I had it attached to my cloth, it just felt right.

This is actually quite challenging in that I am not working from a pattern, nor have an outcome pictured in my mind. I have never worked this way before yet I am enjoying it. The really fun part last night was as I was just putting come curved lines down, I saw a shape emerging and want to follow that out now. I am just loving the freedom of not having to be perfect, of letting my imagination and creativity flow without boundaries or even definition.

My boyfriend is out of town this weekend and another friend I bead with occasionally is alone this weekend as well, and we are planning a day of beads tomorrow and I can't wait. As this will also involve bead swaps (including the game of finding the oddest or strangest bead we have in our collection and requiring a trade and then use of the bead, amid lots of laughter and teasing) and trading of ideas and lots of love and laughter, I am so looking forward to this weekend.

I am planning on posting a progress pic on Sunday, to document this journey in pictures as well as words. I can't wait to see where I head next :)

Trilly

Here I Go

Following some strangely circuitous route I found myself a few days ago sending an email to Robin and the 2007 Bead Journal Project. From there I have found myself in the relatively new world of bead embroidery and blogging.

It seems another lifetime ago when I was still living in New Mexico and taking my first steps into beading by helping a friend bead her buckskin dress for an upcoming powwow. My first solo project was making beaded earrings in the same pattern we had used for the dress and I was hooked from that point. Life circumstances pulled me away from this love for years and it has only been in the last year that I have answered the call of the beads.

I have been getting slowly back in with making jewelry for friends and family, playing with the loom for the first time and generally just having fun getting re-acquainted with beads and all that is available now. I am really looking forward to this project and just letting my dreams and imagination guide me.

As for the blogging.....hmmm, this should be interesting as well. I am avid about journalling my private thoughts and spiritual journey, as well as keeping a book with sketches of ideas that come to me, but have never ventured into the online world of blogging. I am looking foward to this, as well as the forums and reading the journeys of my fellow journallers.

Trilly